Yes, friends. Our powerful and loving Lord has chosen to humble me once again, by not granting clear-cut answers about what is happening. You know how you take your car to the mechanic and it stops doing what you complain about?
This way of answering our prayers leaves the docs wondering if my symptoms are mainly the result of stress, migraines, and/or something beyond seizures. Lord, I'll follow you into the fire, but am I willing to be embarrassed for you before the doctors? Hmm. That's really painful.
I already knew I'm under a lot stress, and the seizure-like symptoms have only added to that stress. I've been trying to live a normal life, and go into a training program for a new career using my remaining skills to bring in additional income. That would reduce a great cause of stress--longterm financial--yet the Swiss cheese memory challenges and whatever causes these seizure symptoms have increasingly interfered with my efforts to move forward.
Adding the blood clot in my lungs over Thanksgiving--stress induced?--and the inflammation of the lining of my brain over Christmas from leaking cerebrospinal fluid forced my withdrawal from my training program for a year. My orignal hope was to get all this under control, so I could go back to my life.
Now, I'm saying, Lord, it's all yours. Do with it as you will. If you have to break me down before my heart will be right, then so be it. You know my pride, my desire for control. You know my needs. It's all in your hands. Take every part. Again. I'm sorry for trying to do your work by myself. I give it all to you.
This I can know for sure: That our God can be trusted to know my brain down to the last neuron, and that he will get me whatever help I need in the fullness of time. While the doctors may have what looks like a temporary setback or delay, God surely is not limited by time.
God is never in a rush, but he has never been late, either. There's a truth to keep you warm on a cold afternoon.
How about you, dear Reader? Do you have anything you need to hand over to our Lord today, this week?
So God has given us both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can take new courage, for we can hold on to his promise with confidence. This confidence is like a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain of heaven into God's inner sanctuary.
Hebrews 6:18,19
For Lent, I am keeping a prayer journal. I have added your name. Blessings...
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