When I was writing, I'd been feeling wrung out for weeks, out of breath at the slightest exertion, nearly done in by going up and down the stairs, having pain in my chest (not ever a good sign), and trying to carry the full school load. I finally decided it would be good to stop wondering what was making me feel so lousy and get help, only to find out I had both lungs riddled with bronchitis, which I probably had been battling for the last month.
Isn't that what we do with the Lord? We drag along on our own, trying to fight our own battles, getting more and more beaten down, when there is someone who would be glad to help us, if we would just reach out for help? As soon as I started antibiotics, sleep, breathing treatments with the bronchodilators, the wheezing started getting better, and I started feeling less wrung out, able to get back to the schedule, the battle.
That's when I started getting attacked spiritually. The week before, during a bunch of tests at school, I knew I was struggling with my memory issues, and I asked friends and relatives for prayer to hold me up in a way that would glorify God. God clearly helped by causing me to study the material that was going to be tested, and to retain it--a real gift, and even humorous in one case: when everyone else studied the formulas (which I couldn't begin to remember that week), the teacher asked about historical information, which is what I had focused on. For once, I had the highest score in the class.
As I was saying, this past week, I moved in with fear and let him walk all over me. I had a major crisis of confidence. It didn't help that I was vulnerable from illness. That's just an excuse. I realize as I write this that a crisis of confidence means that my confidence was in me. As long it had rested squarely in God I was fine.
Do you ever do that?
When I let it wander over to myself is when I ran into trouble. My eyes were off the One who is my Rock and my Redeemer. He alone can be my strength. Mine comes and goes whimsically. His strength is as sure as the present tense of I AM.
You are my rock and my fortress. For the honor of your name, lead me out of this peril.
Psalm 31:3
I cried out to the Lord in my suffering, and he heard me. He set me free from my fears.
Psalm 34:6
Max Lucado said in Fearless, "Fear will always knock on your door. Just don't invite it in for dinner. And for heaven's sake, don't offer it a bed for the night."
ReplyDeleteSo I just let it slip in through a window sometimes to share a cup of tea. Then it loves to play rude tricks.
And when I get tired, it just gets up and invites its friends in!
My mom lives with fear. She had surgery for bowel cancer several years ago. The summer before last, she got so very obstructed, and she was afraid to let us know. It was terrible - emergency room, mineral oil cocktails for days, and other kinds of remedies. We finally got her straightened out - but she hesitated telling anyone because of fear of what they might find. She is 80 years old now and still refuses to have a mammogram. Sigh...
Sometimes I just want to smack myself upside the head when I don't just grab my stone and slingshot and head out to fight some giant, knowing that I'm supposed to be "strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:16
Beholding Him with you,
Sandy
Thank you, dear Sandy! How true! I let him stay several nights, and bring his friends along to wreak havoc. But God is so gracious to welcome me back when I come to my senses and rush to his open arms. How glad I am to have my house freed for now of this unwanted guest/pest!
ReplyDelete