Because of the positive response to the last entry, I'll share one more passage with you from my novel, Breakdown in Denver. The book shares my philosophy of counseling, life, and the rest, through the narrator and his therapy with Rocco. The two have just made some important discoveries about their lives.
All others who have not been to this place of sorrow will just skate on the surface, and say nice things, thinking they understand. We know, Rocco and I. In our very DNA strands, we are joined by the worst of experiences, by blood and by pain. We speak the language of the heartbroken. Only those who have loved and lost can speak it. It is the language of grief.
It is a secret language that, once learned, is never forgotten. Once learned, it can be shared in a glance, or a touch, or the single right word to another who speaks the language. It is universal and powerful. It is only learned by experience, and it is learned at high cost. No one ever pays it willingly.
But if you have learned it, use it well. Don't waste it on those who will never understand your words. Pour it out instead on those who are longing to hear it spoken to them in their times of bitterest need. Their hearts are aching for you to speak that language of recognition to them in their aloneness. Speak it now.
When we can speak truth from our suffering to another person who is in pain, we both benefit. Some of us are in wrenchingly painful times right now, facing decisions we never thought we'd have to make. But when God uses our sisters and brothers to share the truth and experience from what he has taught them, they speak his words to us. We need to hear God's words from his Bible of course. We also need to hear from each other when we're beaten down.
Have you ever tried speaking the language of grief to someone who doesn't understand? They're not in the right place to hear. Ok. Don't push it. Some will never understand the language. Talking louder in a language people don't understand just frustrates both of you!
When someone is ready to hear your story, or tell your theirs, let God lead you, and let your pain be translated into compassion to the glory of God. They'll soak it up like sand in the desert.
When others are happy, be happy with them. If they are sad, share their sorrow.
Romans 12:15
It's now out on Amazon http://amzn.to/b4nD4T
You've asked million dollar question: "Have you ever tried speaking the language of grief to someone who doesn't understand them?"
ReplyDeleteBecause so many people can say yes to this question, counseling can be a great place to have one's grief validated and understood. People often don't want to look at another person's grief because of fear: something like this could happen to them. Don't don't want to go there. The lack of empathy isn't about the person who's grieving; it's about the "listener" whose fear is ignited.
Great blog entry!