Being willing to accept grace

I'm compulsive. I bet many of your reading this are, too. On one of the early days of grad school, the director of the school greeted the group of us students with the following:

"Congratulations! You have now officially diagnosed yourselves. You are all compulsive. To make it this far, you all had to push past barriers, challenges, and whatever else kept everyone else out. You all had the drive to keep going. Most successful people are, to some degree, compulsive." [note: we're not talking about the more serious form of obsessive-compulsive disorder that drives people to wash their hands until their bleeding, re-check locked doors, etc. I'm talking about an obsessive personality type that tends to take things more seriously than necessary, to be driven beyond a normal level.]

Those of us who are the c-word, have our own distinct drivers. Or many of them. Maybe seeing wrong spelling on signs? It's versus its? (It's all over!) Housework, paperwork, cleanliness? Details of some type.

For me, a big one was academic. In high school, I would wake up at night for months, realizing I would get a B in Algebra 3. This was my only B in high school.

[Please, hang in there, those of you who struggled in school--this gets better.]

I only share this because it gives you context. I applied for my new program, thinking I'd be breezing through as usual. Then I started taking these summer school classes. Within the first week, for the 7 units of classes, I needed more than 30 hours to do the work. I had to go to the Special Ed Department to get an Accommodation Certificate for my brain tumor.

I may still be compulsive, but I don't have the brain to allow the quickness to whip through like I used to. If and when I have surgery, there may be even less. I am finding that if I get a B or a C in these classes on the tests, I'm succeeding. I may not be an A student for the recall of information anymore. I have to let go of my former standards because they are no longer attainable.

However, and this is a big however, all that above is based on what I can do. I have a big God. He offers me grace be more than satisfied with myself and my grades, just as he shows it to you. And his grace is sufficient. Sufficient means=as much as is needed. I can choose to see my grades as coming from God himself, and not as giving up.

I write about my silly little life details because they are just like yours. Believe God's grace is as much as you need, today, my friend, and it will change your compulsive drives. If someone as driven as I am can shift gears and become a grateful B--or C student with whatever help it takes to get there, then surely you can lighten up somewhere in your life.


My grace is sufficient for you. My power works best in your weakness. --2 Corinthians 12:9

Let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it. --Hebrews 4:16